1.Self-determination Theory and Psychological Needs

 Self-determination theory revolves around three fundamental needs – competence, connection, and autonomy, and the need for competence, connection, and autonomy motivates us to change, adapt, and grow.

Even though we are often motivated by external factors (money, status, prizes), our basic desire for growth is what inspires us from within. And growth can only be achieved through our core psychological needs.

Self-determination gives you control over your life and puts you in charge of finding authentic happiness. People who are high in self-determination believe they are in control of their actions and decisions, which makes them proactive.  They take risks, own their mistakes, and are confident in their ability to create the future they envision. They know that failure is part of growth, and they don’t allow it to put an end to their journey toward personal and professional success.

1. Competence

The need for competence refers to our abilities and skill-set. Each of us strives to gain mastery in a given field of work or study; to become good at something and deliver actual results.

When we invest in our skill-set, we gain the confidence to achieve our goals. We become competent and motivated to pursue goals and passions.

1.Competence becomes the foundation for self-confidence.  If we can do it well, we feel confident.  (The root of self-confidence is the confidence others place/placed in us—especially as a child. If it wasn’t there, you must and can build it for yourself.)

Exercise: Begin a list of things you can do competently.  None, you say?  Start simple: you can read, wash dishes, drive a car, use a computer: complete a job application, finish the project satisfactorily, apply yourself to reach that goal.

2. Connection

We are social creatures that thrive in groups.  As a result, we sense a profound need for connection. We all wish to form attachments and experience that pleasant sense of belonging.

Whether we’re talking about friendships, romantic relationships, or business partnerships, every bond we forge with another human is motivated by our need for connection.

1. The key to making friends is to ‘show yourself friendly’, according to an old Hebrew proverb.  Reach out; give allowance for those who don’t respond—they could be busy: don’t criticize yourself and take rejection personally. Help those who can’t return the favor. Volunteer. Pick someone up and make a difference in their life, and in so doing, you will find connection.

Exercise: Begin your written list of possible areas in which you can help.  Those who serve will be honored. Become a social philanthropist: in giving out, you receive more.

3. Autonomy

The need for autonomy reflects our desire for freedom: the kind of freedom that makes us feel in control of our actions, decisions, and behaviors. Knowing that you have control over who you are and who you want to become cultivates optimism and motivates us to pursue our goals.

When you feel like you have autonomy over your happiness and well-being, you gain a sense of clarity. In other words, you know exactly which path will take you to a happier life.

1. Two avenues of autonomy: internal locus-of-control (“I have control over many things in my life and can make decisions and change things”) and external locus-of-control (“I have little control; others have power over me; I am helpless”).    

Exercise: List the areas of your internal locus-of-control. Discover your autonomy and you will experience your freedom.  Post weekly, at least one area of your life that you are in control.  Experience it.